SECRET SONG!

 

You have found a secret, hidden page on my website!

 

This one features a song that a friend and I wrote about Jason Eldridge.  One of our closest, nerdiest, Dungeons and Dragons playingest friends.  He is / was the epitome of a super nerd.  A guy who loves comic books, rpg games, sci fi, and anything nerdy AND lives at home with his parents.  To us, he is perfect.  But we at least had to recognize how perfectly he fit the nerd stereotype.  And suddenly he found a girl just like him!  (actually MORE nerdy in some ways *starwars*)  Then they were going to get married and move away!  We decided the perfect gift was a song making fun of him...

When Jason's Married Off - Chris Merritt and Scott Waisner
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When Jason's Married Off

by Chris Merritt and Scott Waisner

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BARD

Let's sing a song of Jason, who's known both far and wide,

Because for all his trying, he never took a bride,

He'd woo them and he'd beg them, but ever did they scoff,

So here's a list of things I'll do, when Jason's married off,

 

I'll kiss a trollmaid on the lips, I'll shave an ogre's back,

I'll ride my horse across the land with neither pad nor tack,

I'll capture me a Grendlin and take her to my bed,

Make love to her each day from the day that Jason's wed,

 

TOWNFOLK

He's woos them and he'd beg them, but ever do they scoff,

So here's a list of things we'll do, when Jason's married off,

 

DRUNKARD

I'll get a wife and four young kids and live in yonder dale,

My mate will get the shards he's owed, I'll put away my ale,

My children will have golden belts, my wife will wear a pearl,

I'll do it all just as soon as Jason gets a girl,

 

TOWNFOLK

He's woos them and he begs them, but ever do they scoff,

So here's a list of things we'll do, when Jason's married off,

 

MERCHANT

I'll obey my mothers wish that I become a monk,

I'll take everything I own and sell it all as junk,

It'll happen, just you wait, I will need no urgin'

I'll do it all just as soon as Jason gets a virgin,

 

TOWNFOLK

He's woos them and he'd begs them, but ever do they scoff,

So here's a list of things we'll do, when Jason's married off,

 

FARMER

I'll call my donkey, 'master,' while I pull the plow,

I'll feed my pigs my bacon, my milk goes to my cow,

My animals will eat like kings, but me, I'll live on grass,

And who is living in my house, why it's Jason and his lass,

 

BARD

Jason's luck with women was known throughout the land,

He never could compel one to give to him her hand,

He'd almost given up on love, so deep was his woe,

He asked just one more maiden, and of course she answered, 

 

YES?!?  So...

 

DRUNKARD

I've got a wife and four young kids, and I live in yonder dale,

My mate he's got the shards he's owed, I put away my ale,

My children all have golden belts, my wife she has her pearl,

All because of the terrible day when Jason got a girl,

 

MERCHANT

I obeyed my mothers wish, and now I am a monk,

I took everything I owned and sold it all as junk,

It happened like I said it would, I didn't need no urgin'

Because I finally saw the day when Jason got a virgin,

 

TOWNFOLK

We never saw the wedding, or saw the couple off,

We were all too busy now that Jason's married off,

 

FARMER

My donkey is my master, while I pull the plow,

My pigs are eating bacon, my milk goes to my cow,

My animals, they eat like kings, but me, I'm eating grass,

And who is living in my house, why it's Jason and his lass,

 

TOWNFOLK

We never saw the wedding, or saw the couple off,

We were all too busy now that Jason's married off,

 

BARD

The trollmaid's kiss was dainty, the ogre's back was course,

My muscles are still aching from that ride upon my horse,

My Grendlin wife is waiting, so I must be off,

And curse that most wreched day, we saw Jason married off!

 

TOWNFOLK

We never saw the wedding, or saw the couple off,

We were all too busy now that Jason's married off!